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Latest 2011 Funny Sexist Jokes on Men and Women

mohsin — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 17:07:14 +0000

1- Funny Sexist Jokes

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

“Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

“Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

“Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Sexist Jokes

Sexist Jokes

2- Women Sexist Jokes

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.”

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!”

The woman said, “That would be okay,” and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.”

The woman replied, “That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.” So, KAZAM – she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.”

The woman said, “That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.” So, KAZAM she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I’d like a mild heart attack.”

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2011 Sexist Jokes in Hindi

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Oye Lucky Lucky Oye

mohsin — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:45:46 +0000

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the match box, but it didnt light.

He tried another, It didnt light too. The third one finally lite his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.

“What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?” asked the another man.

Santa replied, “Thats a lucky match stick. Ill use it again.”

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How Can A Student Pass

mohsin — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:30:44 +0000

Why Students Fail In Exams It’s not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year
has ONLY 365 days.

Typical academic year for a student.

1)Sundays-52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.

2)Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Balance 263 days.

3)8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.

4)1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126
days.

5)Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewproperly & eat)-means
30days. Balance 96 days.

6)1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81
days.

7)Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.

8)Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

9)For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.

10)Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day.

11)That 1 day is your birthday.How can a student pass?

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How Pakistani Professors Speak English

mohsin — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 18:45:04 +0000

How Pakistani professors speak english,

1. Don’t dare talk in front of my back!
2.Both of u three get out of the class!
3.Why r u so late.. say yes or no?
4.Take 5 cm wire of any length!
5.I have 2 daughters, both of them are girls.
6.All of u stand in a straight circle.
7.Quiet! The principal just passed away…
8.Everybuddy stand lengthwise.
9.Y r u looking at the monkey outside da window wen I’m here?
10.Ur talking bad habbit.

Adult Jokes

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Top Ten Advantages of Being Asian

mohsin — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 17:57:50 +0000

1. You can pretend you don’t speak English when you’re around stupid people.
2. Everyone asks your advice on computers, cameras, carryout, VCRs, Toyotas and Karate.
3. You look enough like Bruce Lee that when you get in a fight, all you have to do is squint your eyes and howl to scare people.
4. There are a lot more opportunities for casting in war movies.
5. No one expects you to drive well.
6. People mistake you for a Laundromat owner and bring you a lot of neat clothes.
7. You can be from Ohio and still be considered “exotic”
8. If you ever commit a crime, you can get good laughs when your description is passed around (black hair, brown eyes, glasses).
9. You get people coming up to you all the time saying neat things in languages you don’t speak.
10. During times of way, you get free outdoor housing at a local house track.

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Some Funny Quotes

mohsin — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 08:00:17 +0000

1. Woman who go to man’s apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.
2. Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.
3. Man who gets kicked in balls, left holding the bag.
4. Man who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face.
5. Passionate kiss like spider web … lead to undoing of fly.
6. Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.
7. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
8. Virginity like balloon … one prick, all gone.
9. Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
10. Man who farts in church, sits in own pew.
11. Baseball all wrong … man with four balls no can walk.
12. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
14. Man with penis in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
18. Woman who fly upside down, have crack up.
19. Man who go to bed with question of sex on mind wake up with solution well in hand.
20. Girl who do back spring on bedspring have offspring next spring

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Which makes the best sound ?

mohsin — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 11:00:29 +0000

One day, clever Nasruddin went to have lunch with a friend who loved music. The friend was delighted to have an audience and soon brought out one instrument after another. Although he did not have great skill, he still insisted upon playing something on each one. Nasruddin, who was growing most hungry, tried to listen with care. At last the friend had played all of his instruments, from the drums to the lute.

“Now, my friend,” said the musician. “You have heard many instruments. Which makes the best sound?”

“If you ask me to speak truthfully,” replied Nasruddin, “I think that the most beautiful sound in the world right now would be the sound of a spoon scraping my soup bowl.”

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An Elephant With 5 Bananas

mohsin — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 07:00:06 +0000

Ankit Garg:
An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why?

Because the bananas are made of plastic.

Next…Q

The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?

Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hahhaa…never give up…one more..

Now,

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

Because the bananas are in the TV.

Ooops!!! Cool down…

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

Because they are on different channels.

Hohohohoohohoh. .hehehe

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

Cmon think

Because the TV is off.

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A Blank Sign

mohsin — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:30:03 +0000

A boy from Vietnam was opening a new stall to sell eggs in L.A.. He paid a coin to his friend, a sign painter.

“Please write ‘Fresh Eggs Sold Here,’”said the boy. The friend did, but then he looked at the sign and said, “Of course your eggs are fresh, you don’t need to write that,” and he erased Fresh.

And,” continued the friend, “everyone can see that you are here, you don’t need that word.” So he erased Here.

“Now,” said his friend, “nobody in the market gives away eggs, so why even write the word sold?” He erased Sold.

“Look,” finished the friend, “even a fool can see from your baskets that you are selling eggs. Better erase Eggs, too.” So he did. Then he walked away happily with his coin, leaving the boy with his eggs, a big frown, and a very blank sign.

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Made in India

mohsin — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:30:46 +0000

An American, a Russian, and an Indian were working together once in a metal factory. One day, the American made a good, sharp sword blade and showed it proudly to the others. Next, the Russian went to his workbench, sculpted a wonderful sword handle, and attached it firmly to the sword.

The Indian, not knowing what else he could add, thought for a moment, then quickly picked up the sword and carved across the blade in large letters, “Made in India.”

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