1- Funny Sexist Jokes

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs. (more…)

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the match box, but it didnt light.

He tried another, It didnt light too. The third one finally lite his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.

“What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?” asked the another man.

Santa replied, “Thats a lucky match stick. Ill use it again.”

Why Students Fail In Exams It’s not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year
has ONLY 365 days.

Typical academic year for a student.

1)Sundays-52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.

2)Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Balance 263 days.

3)8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.

4)1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126
days.

5)Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewproperly & eat)-means
30days. Balance 96 days.

6)1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81
days.

7)Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.

8)Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

9)For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.

10)Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day.

11)That 1 day is your birthday.How can a student pass?

How Pakistani professors speak english,

1. Don’t dare talk in front of my back!
2.Both of u three get out of the class!
3.Why r u so late.. say yes or no?
4.Take 5 cm wire of any length!
5.I have 2 daughters, both of them are girls.
6.All of u stand in a straight circle.
7.Quiet! The principal just passed away…
8.Everybuddy stand lengthwise.
9.Y r u looking at the monkey outside da window wen I’m here?
10.Ur talking bad habbit.

Adult Jokes

1. You can pretend you don’t speak English when you’re around stupid people.
2. Everyone asks your advice on computers, cameras, carryout, VCRs, Toyotas and Karate.
3. You look enough like Bruce Lee that when you get in a fight, all you have to do is squint your eyes and howl to scare people.
4. There are a lot more opportunities for casting in war movies.
5. No one expects you to drive well.
6. People mistake you for a Laundromat owner and bring you a lot of neat clothes.
7. You can be from Ohio and still be considered “exotic”
8. If you ever commit a crime, you can get good laughs when your description is passed around (black hair, brown eyes, glasses).
9. You get people coming up to you all the time saying neat things in languages you don’t speak.
10. During times of way, you get free outdoor housing at a local house track.

1. Woman who go to man’s apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.
2. Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.
3. Man who gets kicked in balls, left holding the bag.
4. Man who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face.
5. Passionate kiss like spider web … lead to undoing of fly.
6. Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.
7. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
8. Virginity like balloon … one prick, all gone.
9. Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
10. Man who farts in church, sits in own pew.
11. Baseball all wrong … man with four balls no can walk.
12. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
14. Man with penis in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
18. Woman who fly upside down, have crack up.
19. Man who go to bed with question of sex on mind wake up with solution well in hand.
20. Girl who do back spring on bedspring have offspring next spring

One day, clever Nasruddin went to have lunch with a friend who loved music.  The friend was delighted to have an audience and soon brought out one instrument after another. Although he did not have great skill, he still insisted upon playing something on each one. Nasruddin, who was growing most hungry, tried to listen with care. At last the friend had played all of his instruments, from the drums to the lute.

“Now, my friend,” said the musician. “You have heard many instruments. Which makes the best sound?”

“If you ask me to speak truthfully,” replied Nasruddin, “I think that the most beautiful sound in the world right now would be the sound of a spoon scraping my soup  bowl.”

Ankit Garg:
An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why?

Because the bananas are made of plastic.

Next…Q

The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?

Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hahhaa…never give up…one more..

Now,

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

Because the bananas are in the TV.

Ooops!!! Cool down…

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

Because they are on different channels.

Hohohohoohohoh. .hehehe

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

Cmon think

Because the TV is off.